Chapter+28

Upon My Return

I was so excited that day because it was time for me to leave that hell-hole that we call Iraq. I had spent nine of the longest months of my life dodging land mines and bullets so that I could make it home in one piece for my wife who I hadn’t seen since the day I left.

The trip home was more boring than watching grass grow. I was asleep for the first 5 hours but that wasn’t even half of the flight. I was the only one in my row so there was no one to talk to and they were playing movies throughout the flight but I was in the worst row, one screen was immediately to my right and the other one was seven or eight rows in front of me so it made it too hard to see. I didn’t care much though; I was too happy that I was going home. As soon as we landed I called my wife. “Hey honey, we just landed!” I said to her. “Finally, I’m so excited!” she screamed enthusiastically into my ear, “I will meet you at the party and we can talk then, I have to finish up here at work first though.” “Okay,” I responded, “I love you Michelle!” “Love you too Jared!” she said. We had planned for her not to pick me up because she just got a big promotion at work and she couldn’t slack because she would get behind. We were supposed to meet at the party but when I got there I was surprised to see that she wasn’t there yet. I thought that she might still be working so I didn’t call her right then.It was a wonderful party but I wasn’t having the best time I was talking with some of my old friends that I hadn’t seen in a long time but I couldn’t get my wife out of my mind.

I first called her about 20 minutes after I got to the party but she didn’t answer. I called again and still no answer. I was getting worried and I didn’t know what to do. I called her about ten times over the next hour and never got an answer. I thought maybe she left her phone at work because she does that a lot. Finally I decided to go home and see if she was there.

I asked my buddies if I could get a ride home from one of them because I couldn’t find my wife. They were all quick to say yes so I picked my good friend Tony and we took off toward my house. I only lived about five miles from the building that the welcome home party was at so it didn’t take long to get home. When we go there I thanked Tony and ran into the house.

I got to the door and knocked….it was my house, how much more of an idiot could I be! I wanted to laugh but it was not the time. My wife was nowhere to be found and I was as worried and scared as a lost kid in Costco. I got in the front door and it was quite all through the house except for my footsteps echoing off the walls. After checking all the rooms I called her four or five times and left messages asking what was wrong and why she wouldn’t answer. I walked downstairs and saw that there was a message on the house phone. I thought it might have been from her and it turned out it was.

“Jared,” there was a long pause “I got lonely while you were away and well I found another man….” another pause “Goodbye Jared.”

At that moment my heart was crushed and I swear to god it stopped for a few seconds. I fell to my knees, bawling like a baby.

“Why! Why! Why!” I yelled at the top of my lungs “What did I do to deserve this!”

I spent the rest of that night drinking all of the liquor that was in the house, which too my surprise was actually a lot. I woke up in bed the next afternoon still drunk from the night before, even though it was three o’clock. I had thrown up all over the bed in my sleep, at least I though it was in my sleep, and I was still very heartbroken. I was way too out of it to do anything so I just went downstairs to the couch and slept through the night.

When I woke up the next morning I decided to unpack and settle in to my big empty house. When I went back into my room I remembered my little accident and took the sheets off so I could wash them. After I put the sheets in the washing machine, I started putting my clothes away. When I opened the bottom drawer, I saw the gun my dad gave to me for Christmas before I left for Iraq. I started crying because my dad died two weeks before I left, he had had cancer for the past five years and it finally got him. My life was empty now that my wife left me because my mom moved away when I was 15 so I had no one left.

These memories just kept pushing me lower and lower into the spiral of my depression. I sat there for the next few hours, with the gun in my hand, wondering what I had left to live for. I thought of my childhood and all my accomplishments but that wasn’t enough to cheer me up. It would have taken a miracle to save me from the landslide that was my life. I decided that I was better off dead and looked at the gun. I took off the safety, put the barrel in my mouth and sat there on the edge of the bed crying for a few minutes. When I was finally ready I looked up at the mirror, told myself goodbye, closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. ……Click……

When I opened my eyes I was alive! I also realized that there were no bullets in the gun and I thank God everyday for not letting me remember to load it.